Spyro the Pyro
by The Reader is Now Blind
Summary: Spyro finds out that he doesn't belong in our world. Rated PG-13 for just being wrong.


I don't own the rights to Spyro.  
  


**Spyro the Pyro**

  
  
Spyro was dashing around the Artisan world, head-butting all the fodder that got in his way. When he had just rammed in his hundredth sheep, and Sparx was puking up insect entrails from the number of the butterflies he had eaten, the young dragon discovered an ancient looking portal covered in cobwebs. Spyro had never noticed it before, and wondered why it wasn't activated. "Hey, what's up with this portal? It looks like it hasn't been used in awhile."  
  
"Bzzt bzz bzz buzz," Sparx replied, darting back and forth like he always did. Spyro sighed and glared at his dragonfly. "You know, I don't know how in the hell anyone can understand you without subtitles."  
  
Rolling his eyes, Sparx held up a tiny cue card. _Why is it turned off?_  
  
Looking down at the ground, Spyro spotted the problem. "Oh, I see why. Somebody pulled the plug from the electrical socket. If I just put it back in like so…"  
  
"Buzz bzz buzzt?" Sparx asked. _But don't you need orbs to power the portals?_  
  
"You actually believed that old scientist? That idea is pure crap," Spyro retorted as the portal flickered on. "Told you it was electricity. So, where does this thing lead to anyways? 'The Real World' huh? Sort of an unoriginal name, isn't it?"  
  
Sparx offered, "Buzz buzz buzz bzz buzzt buzzzzzz." _Blame MTV executives._  
  
The young dragon took a deep breath, and darted towards the portal. "Well, let's go check it out!"  
  


*****

  
  
When Spyro opened his eyes, he blinked in shock. The world he was in was nothing like he had seen before. The sky was blue instead of and orange or purple or green, and the creatures didn't look comical or offensive. "Sparx, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."  
  
"Buzz buzz buzzt bzz?" _We were in Kansas?_  
  
"It's an expression you idiot," Spyro sneered, and then glanced around him. "This is so weird. Everything and everyone is so, un-cg."  
  
But Sparx didn't hear Spyro, and was instead trying to catch and orange and black butterfly, figuring it must be something special for being different from the usual pink and yellow ones. Success was finally his, but not for long, as the bitter taste made Sparx sick to his stomach.  
  
"Daddy?" a young bystander commented, "did that golden dragonfly buzzing by that purple dog just try and eat a Monarch butterfly?"  
  
"Yes, son. If he tries to do it again, the poison from the Monarch will probably kill him. But don't think of such dark matters, so let's go see the animals at the farm nearby before they are sent to the slaughterhouse."  
  
Upon hearing this, Spyro exclaimed, "C'mon Sparx! There's gotta be some fodder there for you to eat!"  
  
Still gasping on the ground from the traumatic experience, Sparx could barely buzz out his answer. "Buzz. Bzz. Buzzt." _I. Need. Water._  
  
"But you don't drink water," Spyro answered, raising his eyebrow at Sparx's antics. The dragonfly perked up immediately at this point. "Buzz bzz buzzt buzz buzz bzz bzzt bzz buzzt buzzt buz buz buzt." _Oh yeah._  
  


*****

  
  
Transported magically to this part of the story by Zoe, Spyro and Sparx found themselves at the farm. "Damn that fairy gets on my nerves sometimes."  
  
"Buzz buzt buz buzt!" Sparx retaliated. _But she's hot!_  
  
"What?!" Spyro sputtered. "You can't be serious!"  
  
Sparx winked with suggestive gestures. "Buzz BUZZ buzt buzz, mmm." _You wouldn't say that if you know where she keeps her pixie dust._  
  
Spyro stared at the dragonfly in disgust. "Out of all the guardians in our world, I had to get stuck with you."  
  
Ignoring Spyro, Sparx pointed over to a pen. "Buzz buzz bzzt." _I think I hear some sheep over that way._  
  
Dashing over, Spyro hit his head on the wood fence, but could not break though it. "Ow, that freakin' hurt!!"  
  
"Oh, stop being a baby and get over it already," Sparx shouted. Spyro looked up in surprise. "You just spoke normally!"  
  
"Yeah, well, I ran out of cue cards. Now, are you going to torch through or not?"  
  
"Are you kidding?" Spyro barked. "This is new solid oak. And look at this craftsmanship!"  
  
Muttering, or buzzing actually, a bunch of expletives, Sparx gave Spyro the evil eye. Relenting, Spyro let loose a flame. "ACHOOOOOO!!"  
  
"Gensudeit, (sp?) " Sparx responded, surveying the burnt crispt bodies of what were once sheep. "Uh, Spyro, I don't see any butterflies, just a bunch of angry people coming in our direction."  
  
"There's an arsonist on the loose, and he must be stopped!!" the angry mob yelled, gathering torches from the burning rubble. Spyro turned around in confusion. "There is? Where is he?"  
  
The mob came to a full stop at the sound of Spyro's voice. "That purple dog just talked! And there's smoke coming from his nostrils! He must be a fire breathing purple dog from Hell!"  
  
"I'M NOT A PURPLE DOG FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I'm a dragon, and dragons breathe fire, so technically I did nothing wrong. Tell them Sparx!"  
  
"Buzz buz buzt," Sparx remarked offhandedly, not making eye contact with Spyro as the dragonfly whistled off-key. Struggling against the chain the mob wrapped around his neck, Spyro screeched, "You're out of my fan club, you hear me Sparx! OUT OF MY FANCLUB!"  
  


*****

The nearby veterinary office was in shambles as Spyro ran up and down the halls, his little purple stuck with tranquilizer darts that seemed to have no effect on him. The main doctor still continued to shoot the dragon, wondering why it wasn't working until the nurse pointed out that there was caffeine in the darts. So when they shot him with the CORRECT dart, Spyro was out like a light. Which really doesn't make sense because often lights are on, but it's easier than saying he was out like a burned out light. The doctor grimaced at the damage Spyro's hour and a half escapade. "I hope his owner realizes that he's paying for all of this."  
  
"Um, Doctor," the nurse interjected. "The city actually brought him. He's a stray."  
  
"Damn! Okay, get the gas chamber ready. This guy is going into permanent sleep."  
  
The nurse held up her hand in protest. "Wait a minute, Doctor. Shouldn't we give him a chance? Thousands of animals are killed each day due to the neglect and carelessness of their owners, by either mistreating them, abandoning them, and even not fixing them. But there is hope for those pets who still wait in their cages, waiting for the right person to rescue them from their fate. Shouldn't every creature receive the same hope?"  
  
The doctor coughed and cleaned his glasses. "That was a very touching speech nurse, but do you really think that there is someone crazy enough to adopt a fire breathing purple dog from hell? Didn't think so."  
  
"I am not a dog," Spyro mumbled in his sleep. The nurse patted his horns. "Sure you aren't. Now go back to sleep."  
  
"That won't be necessary," Sparx ordered, coming out of nowhere. "I've decided to take him home."  
  
"Thank god. Now, usually there would be a fee, but due the inconvenience of him staying here, that can be waivered. However, regulations do force us to neuter the pet to prevent unwanted offspring."  
  
"Doctor?" the nurse interrupted. The doctor waved at her as he continued. "Hold on, nurse. Now sir, this process might take a day to occur, and a few weeks for the animal to heal fully."  
  
"But Doctor, you should really see this." The nurse stated again, lifting up Spyro's hind leg. The doctor looked down and burst out in laughter. "Oh my god! Ha ha! Never mind about the neutering: We'll just leave the poor **little** guy alone! You're free to take him."  
  


*****

Although Sparx had subjected Spyro to many sugar products, the young dragon was still sluggish in moving. They were close to the portal they had arrived through before Spyro collapsed on the path. "I can't go on, Sparx. I'm just so sleepy."  
  
"We're almost there. If we keep moving, we'll sing your favorite song."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"I promise, if you start."  
  
Spyro jumped up and belted out, "Ohhhhhh!!!! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"  
  
"Spongebob Squarepants," Sparx grumbled.   
  
"Louder Sparx! Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!"  
  
"Spongebob Squarepants."  
  
"If nautical nonsense be something you wish…"  
  
"Spongebob Squarepants."  
  
"Then hop on the deck and flop like a fish!"  
  
"Spongebob Squarepants."  
  
They sang the chorus together as went to the portal and back toi their home.  
  


*****

  
  
When they were safe and sound in the Artisan world once more, an old geezer of a dragon was there to greet them. "Ah, it was you whippersnappers who activated the forbidden portal. What in tarnation did you think you were doing?'  
  
"Going through a portal we didn't know if was safe or not that led to a world we didn't know anything about without telling anyone here where we went," Spyro retorted nonchalantly. "Duh."  
  
"Well, don't ever do it again!" shouted the ancient dragon, pulling the portal's plug. "Kids have no respect for their elders these days…"  
  
Spyro faced Sparx and asked, "What do you wanna do now?"  
  
"Go get some food. I'm starving."  
  
"No problem," Spyro replied chasing, after a sheep with Sparx following behind.  
  


**The End**

  
  
AN: Before anyone mentions it, the vet. probably wouldn't let Sparx, a dragonfly, have Spyro, but deal with it.  
  



End file.
